Happiness is...

...finding your missing pager in the middle of the ER.

Becoming...

Somewhere between walking into Gross Anatomy for the first time and eventually walking across the stage as you're granted a Doctorate in Medicine, it hits you...and you realize that you are, in fact, becoming a doctor. You find yourself talking with interns, residents, and attendings as though they are colleagues. You begin to start conversations with "the literature says" or "according to a recent study." You realize you are so very far from knowing it all, and yet, you also know that you will continue to push yourself to determine what is best for your patients. You turn from seeing your patients as a diagnosis to seeing them as individuals...people with families...people with jobs...people who do so much more than just lie in the hospital bed in front of you. Becoming a doctor is a process, and I thank God for the opportunity to go through this process.

I wish I was asleep...

About an hour and a half ago, Miss Kitty jumped on my desk and proceeded to knock down several items while she was up there. I woke in panic mode and have been unable to get back to sleep. Tomorrow...or rather today could be a very long day.

Just a reminder

Never lose an opportunity of seeing anything that is beautiful; for beauty is God's handwriting...Welcome it in every fair face, in every fair sky, in every fair flower and thank God for it. -- Ralph Waldo Emerson

My Words

Let no corrupt word proceed out of your mouth, but what is good for necessary edification, that it may impart grace to the hearers. - Ephesians 4:29

Holding my tongue can be difficult. So often I find myself saying things that later I wish I hadn't said. There are times when I am sarcastic or facetious or I let the zingers fly when what I should have done is said nothing.

How long will it take us to tame our tongues, to realize that words hurt, and truly know that God's plan is for us to edify one another and spur one another on towards a closer relationship with Him?

A Time for Everything

You would think I would be some what used to it by now, but I'm not. I don't know that you can ever actually get used to death. I know it's inevitable. One hundred percent of people will die...it's just the timing and the circumstances that bother me.

The end of last week when I arrived at work, I was greeted with the news that Mr. Johnson* had passed away. This wasn't really a surprise. He had been suffering from a terminal illness and had signed do not resuscitate orders, but still, it hurt. Today, it happened again...Mr. Smith* passed away. Somehow, I never quite get used to it. I still feel pain with the passing of a patient, and I pray that they know the Father.

To everything there is a season,
A time for every purpose under heaven:
A time to be born,
A time to die.
- Ecclesiastes 3:1-2a

* Names have been changed.

Perfect Body

Over the weekend, one of my friends told me that I had a perfect body. Honestly, I don't remember if I even said, "Thank you." The comment caught me off guard.

I've never thought of my body as perfect. For years, I saw my body as much bigger than it actually was. I prayed night after night to wake up 10 or 20 or 30 pounds lighter. But I'm coming to realize that I do have the perfect body. Yes, I still have bumps and wrinkles and sagginess in places I don't particularly care to...I wish I was more toned...but God made my body. He gave me two legs that work perfectly whether I'm walking into a patient's room, running in a marathon, or strolling down the beach. He gave me two arms to wrap around people to show them His love. He gave me two able hands to carry out His work. He gave me a brain so that I could learn and ultimately glorify Him.

My friend is right. I do have a perfect body, but it's not because of what it looks like. I have the perfect body because it was made by God, and He is perfect.

I wish I had unlimited income...

If I had unlimited income, I would never again have to tell a patient, "I'm sorry but your insurance doesn't cover that treatment," or "I'm sorry but you don't qualify for a transplant (or chemo or a certain clinic) because there's no funding."

If I had unlimited income, I would build a hospital where treatments are free...where regardless of your income or insurance you would be treated to the best of our abilities.

If you're wondering, yes, I'm an idealist...it's not going to happen, but my heart goes out to patients when we have to tell them that they don't qualify for treatments or therapy because of a lack of money.