Question to Ponder

I was recently asked the following question:

What do you struggle with the most: knowing who you are, knowing what to do with your life, or depending on God to guide you?

I have to admit that it took me a while to answer. I, mean, I know what I'm doing with my life. I'm becoming a doctor, right??? Or is it something more than that. I'm becoming a doctor so that I can serve God by serving His children...hmmm...that sounds a bit 'churchy'. Ahhh...

Alright then, so do I struggle with depending on God to guide me? Definitely. When I was a child, I had two favorite phrases: why? and I can do it myself. Being inquisitive will definitely be a plus as a physician. I won't want to stop looking until I have an answer. But then there's my independence. In today's culture, women are supposed to be independent. Society tells us that we aren't supposed to need anybody...that we can be full and complete all on our own. But can I? I don't think so. As much as I can take care of my own bills and my car and whatever else happens to come my way, I am called to be dependent...I am called to be in dependence on God. I can't be full and complete without Him, and I would definitely take wrong turns if I didn't look to Him for guidance. I already take enough of them...I, mean, sometimes the left turn appears so much prettier that then right turn He's calling me to.

The last one is knowing who I am. My identity. This is something I definitely struggle with. I've heard people talk of "going to find themselves." That sounds great, but what are they really going to find? That would scare me, but too, I know that apart from God, I am nothing. I can't separate knowing who I am from knowing whose I am. I am His child.

For You formed my inward parts;
You covered me in my mother's womb.
I will praise You, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
Marvelous are Your works,
And that my soul knows very well.
My frame was not hidden from You,
When I was made in secret,
And skillfully wrought in the lowest parts of the earth.
Your eyes saw my substance , being yet unformed.
And in Your book they all were written,
The days fashioned for me,
When as yet there were none of hem.
-- Psalm 139:13-16

So as I continue to ponder my identity, my activity, and my dependence on God, I'm content in knowing whose I am. I am HIS!