Just for you...

Happy New Year!

Ouch!

It's amazing how God really just grabs my attention sometimes.

The other day I was doing my quiet time...okay, okay...half-heartedly doing my quiet time. For that day, it had almost become a 'check the box' on the to-do list.

I was reading along in Mark 16 where Christ's death is depicted. Christ says, "Eloi, Eloi, lama sabachthani?" (My God, My God, why have You forsaken Me?) Even as I was reading it my heart wasn't in the right place. I was thinking that I've read this a million times before (okay, maybe that's an exaggeration)...it's even underlined with notes in my Bible. As I went back to my devotional, it discussed how every stripe on Christ's back, every nail, everything He endured on the cross was because of my sin. In my head, I was thinking 'but I know this.' The devotion continued on with the question of 'would I really have deserved this punishment' and the answer that according to the Word I do. But what hit home was the next line

And if we really think about it, as well intentioned as we assume we are, we can all recall times that we have shunned the personality of the Holy for something that utterly violated it...ON PURPOSE.

What??? On purpose???!!! My heart sank...and my entire attitude changed immediately changed. I won't go into the rest of my quiet time that day or what else I'm studying, but I am thankful that God is faithful. He loves me so much that He desires to humble me so that I will remember that time with Him is not something to be checked off each day, but it is a time of worship. It is a time for Him to teach me. It is a time where a daughter can just rest in the arms of her Father and remember the grace He lavishes upon her.

My heart leaps!

I first heard about Mercy Ships in 2002. A girl in my singles' class in Dallas served aboard Mercy Africa for a month. Hearing about her experience and seeing her pictures really moved me. Over the years, I've had applications several times. I've even completed the application once, but didn't mail it. Something has always prevented me from going...time...money...commitments. And yet, it comes back. I hear of others who have served or Mercy Ships is mentioned during the sermon at church...and my heart leaps. I am still moved the same way I was the first time I heard. Providing healing and hope...physically and spiritually.

I hear Mercy Ships...and my heart leaps.

Really???!!!

I've been contemplating getting a new car. My car is paid off, which is nice, but I know that it's not going to last forever and I've been having to put more money than I'd like into it's up-keep...not so much that it's like making a car payment every month, but I don't want to get there. Anyway, I decided to check the Blue Book value of my car with the high mileage and everything...accounting for it's "good" (but not excellent) condition. My car is listed at around $6500...seriously???. I only paid $13,000 brand new and my car has 106,000 miles on it. I think something must be wrong.

This is my cousin!

More randomness!

I've finished painting my bedroom, bathroom, and kitchen.

Miss Kitty is in love with a new blanket I got for my bed. It's kind of furry.

I only have one Christmas gift left to buy, but I have three birthday presents to find.

All of my immediate family members have birthdays within one month of each other.

I'm on vacation, but I haven't been able to sleep later than 8 AM.

My apartment smells like brownies.

I'm trying to decide between two colors for my dining room - Scottish Loch and Victorian Garnet...I think I'm going with February Gold for the living room.

I found a new project I want to be involved with in the new year.

I feel like entertaining, but my apartment is not yet ready for visitors...someday soon!

Greatness!

I've found a new shampoo. It smells fantastic and my hair looks "brilliant!"

Random

I've had a tall nonfat peppermint mocha hold the whip every day this week. Thank you, Starbucks!

My snapdragons are still blooming.

My amaryllis is growing and should be blooming in a few weeks.

Miss Kitty sleeps a lot.

I've already studied for several hours today, and I still have several hours more to go.

Sometimes an unexpected page makes your day.

Having your attending tell you that your pants are falling down is really embarrassing.

It's nice when your attending buys the team coffee.

My vacation officially starts at 11:30 tomorrow morning.

I really want cookies and milk right now, so I'm going to end this post and whip some up.

By the way...

I should not have had the tall nonfat peppermint mocha at 6:30 this evening. It was delicious and in a red cup, but I am still wired.

I needed a hug.

I've had 5 or 6 really difficult days in the past three weeks. Patients have died or taken a turn for the worse. I've had to have difficult conversations with parents or had to deal with situations that I didn't realize God had prepared me to handle.

While I'm at work, I compartmentalize. I can't get too caught up in the emotional side because there's work to be done and I have to be what the families need me to be. I have to be calm. I have to be able to give information as well as take information during the difficult times. But each day, I came home and just really needed a hug. I needed a reminder of God's love for me. Yes, I can open up the Bible and read about His love but at each of those moments, I needed to feel it.

I didn't ever get those hugs. Miss Kitty might be a cuddler, but she's definitely not a hugger.

Last night at church, I finally got a hug. One of the girls in my class came up to me and gave me a real hug (as opposed to the side hug). I told her thanks and that I needed that, so she hugged me again. She didn't ask me why...she just loved me. She showed me God's love. It was the first real hug I had been given in over three weeks, and it was exactly what I needed.

Lord, thank you for providing again.

Some people really love their dogs.

I went running at Memorial Park this morning with a large percentage of other Houstonians. There were lots of people running with their dogs and plenty of women running with jogging strollers. Then just as I passed one of the strollers, I looked back to see the cute baby...and what to my wondering eyes should appear...two fluffy white dogs. Yep, the lady was pushing her two little white dogs in a stroller while running. Seriously!

Taking time to smell the roses

I walked through the rose garden after the Christmas Tree lightening at the hospital this evening. I took in a deep breath and savored the sweet smell of their beauty. Ahhh...I love flowers.

That's what I want for Christmas. My family keeps asking me what I want for Christmas. I jokingly told them a Wii. I mean I'd take one, but I don't really expect it. I think I'd really like flowers. Yes, I realize they wilt, but I love them. I love how colorful they are and how amazing they smell. I don't need big arrangements. I actually like to arrange my own (I worked in a florist for a while during college). I'm perfectly happy with flowers from the grocery store. I love coming in from a long day of work or studying and bending over to smell them. I love looking at them as I study. I enjoy flowers, and I can't wait until I have a yard where I can plant rose bushes and tulips and irises and gardenias and so many others. One day...

Happy Thanksgiving!

Have a great turkey day.

just for fun :o)

This is a new advertisement put out by Cadbury...they're having a contest. Enjoy!

Feels like home to me

I'm home. I spent the last three weeks in Fort Worth doing outpatient pediatrics. After three weeks away, I'm so thankful to be home. I love sleeping in my bed and being able to cook my meals.

Outpatient pediatrics was great! The kids are fantastically adorable. Ah...I truly loved them...from the screaming two year olds to the macho adolescents to the newborns just days into this world. They were great. My preceptor was fantastic. He was truly interested in teaching. He gave me room to learn and knew just when to step in so that I could learn without progressing to being overwhelmed. He valued my opinion...even when it was wrong. I learned so much in three weeks...so much more than I expected. I really enjoyed my rotation. Then I stepped into the hospital this morning, and...

...I'm home.

I can't explain it, but it's home. I don't know if it's home because I worked for several years in a hospital or because God is calling me to work as a physician in a hospital. Either way, I'm going to enjoy being home for the next several weeks.

Where's "home" for you?

Going under the knife!

No, I'm not having surgery, but I'd like your opinion on plastic surgery.

Would you ever consider it? Would you ever encourage someone else to have it? Do you think there's a biblical basis for or against it?

:o)

Just thought I would say a friendly, "HELLO!"

:o)

I love kids. They are so innocent and amazing. And quite often they are so, so very honest.

Thus...my heart just melted when I was examining a little girl and she looked up at me and said, "You're pretty."

My finger's no longer naked!

I found my Baylor ring. I thought I had lost it forever. A friend of mine even offered to let me wear his Aggie ring, but it wouldn't have been the same.

It doesn't matter though...my ring is found and it is back in it's rightful place.

Odd...

When I'm sick, applesauce becomes my favorite food.

I caught her.

I caught Miss Kitty drinking from the toilet. Now I just wish I would have had my camera ready to go.

Again...

So I have a friend who I am relatively consistently a jerk around. More often than not, I'm self-centered and jealous. I'm not quite sure why these "qualities" seem to come to the surface more with this friend, but they do.

My friend usually says very little but simply allows me to realize the errors of my actions. Quite often, I'll admit, I realize them much later. Last night was different, I realized it almost immediately. I wasn't being affirming. I wasn't building my friend up. I wasn't acting out Ephesians 4:29 - "Let no corrupt word proceed out of your mouth, but what is good for necessary edification, that it may impart grace to the hearers."

I did call and apologize, but it still doesn't erase the "icky" feeling I have that once again reminds me that I am still very much flesh. The amazing thing is that as soon as I realize and repent...Christ steps in with His mercy and grace...He steps in to say, "Go, and sin no more." And I am given the courage to change and accept the victory Christ has already won.

Sadness...

I've started drinking bad coffee.

Seriously!

When I started drinking coffee on that monumental day during July 2006, I vowed that I would only drink good...no make that fantastic coffee. I vowed that I would not become one to drink whatever coffee was available just because I needed coffee. Well...it's happened. Time and time again, I find myself drinking the free coffee at the hospital or in the clinics because I...because I "need" it.

Can anyone help me?

Hurricane Dean

It's funny...I breathed a sigh of relief when I found out that Hurricane Dean wasn't going to make landfall in Galveston. I know that I even said a prayer thanking God, but I didn't really think about the people he would hit.

Hurricane Dean's second hit in Mexico was the area where I did research in May 2006. The families depend on farming to live, and most of the banana farms have been severely damaged. They live in houses with bamboo walls, tin roofs, and dirt/cement floors. The farm animals come inside for the night...especially when it's cold. They do have electricity, but bathing and washing clothes occurs in the river. Money is sparse...but the view...the view was amazing. God's beauty was everywhere. The forests seemed almost untouched. And the people loved...their love for one another is really only something that I can equate to the love I felt when I was in Romania. To be able to love others like them...that's Christ.

Fortunately, Dean's death toll was minimal, but please pray for the people in the state of Vera Cruz. I can't imagine what they're going through.

Depraved

and sometimes the depravity of my own soul hits me square between the eyes...

All this is flashy rhetoric about loving you.
I never had a selfless thought since I was born.
I am mercenary and self-seeking through and through;
I want God, you, all friends, merely to serve my turn.

Peace, reassurance, pleasure, are the goals I seek,
I cannot crawl one inch outside my proper skin;
I talk of love - a scholar's parrot may talk Greek -
But, self-imprisoned, always end where I begin.

~ C.S. Lewis

I need ideas.

I'm still raising money with Team in Training for the Leukemia and Lymphoma Society, but I'm running out of ideas for fundraisers. Does anyone have any ideas?

Beauty

People are like stained glass windows --
the true beauty can be seen only when there is light from within.
The darker the night, the brighter the windows.
--Elizabeth Kubler-Ross

My dream came true...almost.

I love to sail. I love the feel of the wind against my face. I love the feel of a sailboat as you can hover close to capsizing while sailing close hauled. I love gliding through the water. Anyway, a couple of months ago I dreamt I bought a sailboat. Actually I bought a gigantic sailboat. The one in my dream had 5 bedrooms and 5 bathrooms...and a helicopter. All for $500.

Okay, so I didn't by a sailboat, but I did go sailing over the weekend. It was fantastic and just as wonderful as I remember it.

Ahhhh...the sun on my face...the wind in my hair...and porpoises swimming alongside...a little piece of heaven.

Running...

I've taken my running to a new level. No...I'm not running sub-six minute miles...at least not yet, but I have incorporated some new things into my routine. Or as one man I know would say...I've nerded it up.

I now know how much water I lose for every mile I run...8 ounces. That's about normal. Some people lose more. Some people lose less. I happen to be about normal. I can also tell you how many electrolytes I lose when I run. I'll spare you the details, but I'm now rehydrating with more than just water. Hydrating involves mixing and measuring and way more than just taking a swig from a water fountain. I've also calculated how many calories I burn per mile...definitely not enough to warrant the three times I had ice cream in the past two weeks...but ah...it was heavenly.

But nothing in this new level of running changes one of the main reasons I enjoy it. When I come back from a long run and am completely drenched with sweat, all the little hairs that have fallen out of my ponytail...all the little wispy hairs...are in ringlets. Yep, they are completely curly. Now, I'm fairly certain that no man would ever appreciate this...me being drenched with sweat or the fact that it makes my hair curly...but I'm going to continue running anyway.

I scream...You scream...We all scream for ice cream!

Today is National Ice Cream Day.
Go ahead and celebrate!

Good Night!

I have so much that I want to say, but I don't know how to say it. I've never been a fantastic communicator, but I don't even know where to begin. The last three weeks have been amazing. There have been mountain top experiences, and there have been difficult times. I have cried with patients, and I have rejoiced with patients. I am working long hours and not sleeping as much as I used to...and yet, I am filled with more joy and excitement than I could have ever imagined.

Right now though...it's 7:20 pm...and I'm going to take this opportunity to get a little extra sleep...so I'm going to bed.

As American as...

Happy 4th of July!

Things I've learned in the last week

1. Be careful with how much you put in your pockets...weighing down drawstring pants is not a good thing.
2. I learn best by seeing, hearing, and doing.
3. I love interacting with patients and their families.
4. If you go get coffee, be sure to ask your resident if he or she would like some...they usually need it more.
5. Danskos are my best friend.
6. Radiologists are super-helpful.
7. Stairs are faster than elevators.
8. Going to bed like I'm five is actually really nice.
9. Running is still one of my favorite activities.
10. If your resident or attending says you can go home for the day...don't argue.
11. Introduce yourself to everyone...most people respond well to smiles and handshakes.
12. I have a lot to learn...seriously...how do Mark and Sarah do it?!

Faithfulness and Grace

Over the past month...almost two...God has been teaching me more and more about His faithfulness and grace.

This morning I awoke with praise on my lips.

Great is Your faithfulness oh God
You wrestle with the sinner's heart
You lead us by still waters and to mercy
And nothing can keep us apart

So remember Your people
Remember Your children
Remember Your promise
Oh God

Your grace is enough
Your grace is enough
Your grace is enough for me

Great is Your love and justice God
You use the weak to lead the strong
You lead us in the song of Your salvation
And all Your people sing along

So remember Your people
Remember Your children
Remember Your promise
Oh God

Your grace is enough
Your grace is enough
Your grace is enough for me
- Matt Mayer

Let us hold fast to the confession of our hope without wavering, for He who promised is faithful. - Hebrews 10:23

And He said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for My strength is made perfect in weakness." - 2 Corinthians 12:9a

Pastor Gregg should be in marketing.

So Pastor Gregg mentioned Crystal Light Peach Iced Tea during his sermon on Sunday...and since then, I can't get it out of my head. I've had coffee, diet coke, regular tea...nothing's worked. Today I broke down and bought some.

Finally...refreshment.

Pecan Supreme

I had no idea that my favorite cookie said so much about me.

If your favorite cookie is Pecan Supreme you are curious, sincere and love being pampered in luxury.

People who are Pecan Supreme cookie eaters are health conscious and are drawn to clothes, homes and partners that are comfortable and elegant. They are refined and traditional, prefer low-key social gatherings with music and quiet discussions, but are never boring. Pecan Supreme cookie lovers are methodical and precise in business, and are careful about money, which allows them to invest and save wisely. They are shy and sometimes seem unfriendly, but are solid and reliable with high expectations of friends and family.

Great American Cookies

:o)

There comes a time when for every addition of knowledge you forget something that you knew before. It is of the highest importance, therefore, not to have useless facts elbowing out the useful ones. - Sir Arthur Conan Doyle

Someone stop me

I bought a pound and a half of cherries at the grocery store yesterday...and...um...they are over half way gone. Someone please stop me. They are so, so, so yummy.

Today and always..

"Don't seek to be perfect; seek to stare at your God." - Gibson

It's official...

Training for the 2007 Nike Women's Marathon has begun.

I'm starting out slow, but you'll be able to see how many miles I've logged as I update my sidebar.

And...I am running with Team In Training. I don't have my website up yet, but I'll get it going (with a link on my sidebar) and start sending out letters in early June.

My life as a Far Side comic.

Last night, I needed to make a quick run to Target. I grabbed my keys and my credit card and headed out the door. I shut the door behind me and stood there for a minute or so trying to figure out why the door wouldn't lock. I was standing right there, and I couldn't hear the lock engage. Yep, that's when it hit me...I was attempting to lock my apartment using the wireless entry system for my car.

Waiting for sleep to come.

I've been trying to go to sleep since about 10 pm. Thus far, I haven't been successful, but I wouldn't say that I've been a failure either.

As I've awaited the sleep I so long for, praises...songs of worship have been running through my head. Although my body is tired and my mind is weary, my heart wants to praise the Lord.

I received a sweet email from one of my dear friends. In it, she said that she was praying that God would place His song on my lips and in my heart today. He answered her prayer...He is faithful.

Great is the Lord, and greatly to be praised. - Psalm 145:3a

Father God, thank you for being worthy of all praise. Thank you for reminding me that I can still praise You even when I'm tired...even if I feel like I have nothing left to offer You...I am to praise You. Thank you for Your faithfulness in answering prayers. Amen.

The Grad and I

My brother graduated from the University of North Texas on Saturday.
I am so proud of him.

Congratulations, Kyle!

Time to breathe...

The pace of life is so fast. So many things have to be done every day that more often than not they become tasks instead of blessings. I realized this while watering my plants this evening. My thought was I'll take a 10 minute study break to water my plants...like it was just a task to check off for the day.

But then I got out there. My gardenia is in full bloom...the fragrance is nothing short of amazing. My morning glories and snap-dragons are vibrant with color and full of life. My tomato plants have more than 50 tomatoes between the two of them (and they're not cherry tomatoes). And then there's my hibiscuses...their blooms absolutely take my breath away.

They may be my plants, but God has made them, and He made them beautiful. He made them to show His glory and to remind me of Himself.

Lord, thank you for today. Thank you for the little moments where You remind me to take time to enjoy Your creation. Thank you for leading me beside a quiet water, even just for a moment, so that I could breathe Your fragrance in deep.

"Learn to hold loosely all that is not eternal." - Maud Royden

Just in case you were wondering...

...if it's ever needed, I can play little orphan Annie.

"The sun will come out, tomorrow
Bet your bottom dollar
That tomorrow, there'll be sun
Just thinkin' about, tomorrow
Clears away the cobwebs and the sorrow
til there's none..."

love me?...yes

I received this today from a guy I went to high school with in his newsletter, and I just thought I'd pass it on. He grew up in Azle but now lives and works in Tennessee. His website is www.kairosworld.com

it was 'children's day' today in church. 'children's day' is about as real as it gets; "real" being in agreement with webster's def.: adj. [ree-uhl] unfeigned or sincere. you know. they sing songs with motions. hand motions. half face the congregation. half face the choir. it's a mess.

i've discovered there are two types of children in this setting: 1) the grinners. teeth showing, they shout the songs, wave to mom, dad, grandmother and grandad, a distant cousin and each of their past four babysitters. 2) the blanks. with an apathetic posture they stare directly at their mother and father simultaneously, communicating "you did this to me".

and on this day, we adults sincerely enjoy both.

then, in the middle of the teeming chaos, they open their mouths. "Jesus loves me/this i know/for the Bible tells me so", spilling the truth of Salvation into the open air. and without prompt, the congregation begins to hum along, "little ones to Him belong/they are weak but He is strong".

i've made grievous mistakes in my twenty-three+ years. the morning after one of many transgressions, i spent time with my, at that time, twenty month-old cousin graham while his parents visited the doctor. after awhile, graham inevitably became upset, wanting to see his mom, dad and his sibling yet to be. tears flowed hard.

we rode up and down elevators, talked with strangers, stuck our noses in water fountains, walked outside and had a heart to heart chat about the uselessness of the crying. more tears.

not being a parent i'm not up on the tricks of the trade, but it suddenly hit me - SING. "yes, Jesus loves me/yes Jesus loves me/yes, Jesus loves me/the Bible tells me so". graham's crying turned quiet. and my hopeless heart began to beat again.

"when i said, my foot is slipping
your love, oh Lord, supported me". psalm 94:18, 19.

taking a hint from the child in each of us, may we never forget the love of our gracious father, God.

andrew

Free and healthy?

The hospital celebrated Earth Day today. There were free trees by the arm full and free basil by the cupful (no, I didn't get any more). There was also an advertised "free and healthy lunch"...interesting...hot dogs, potato chips, carrot sticks, and cake.

I think someone is confused.

I amuse myself.

I often look up information on the internet for class or just for my own understanding. Since I have a laptop, my computer usually isn't hooked up to my printer. Anyway, once I find the information I need I email myself the site. More often than not...when I hear the little click indicating that I have new email, I get excited. Wow...who sent me an email...yeah...it was just me...I just sent myself an email. Oh, well...I should get excited about an email from me...I'm a pretty special person.

Cupcakes...

I made cupcakes last week. I decided to get fancy.

Would you...

...prefer to possess great physical strength or be naturally graceful?

June 2nd

In 6 weeks and two days, I will take the USMLE Step 1.

One day - eight hours - 350 questions.

Most of my time right now is spent studying...attempting to divide the time between studying for the Step and class (only 12 days left).

This exam is important, but contrary to what the school administration says, it doesn't determine the rest of my life. God is bigger than that; He can open doors that we think are nailed shut. However, I do want to well, so I'm putting in my time.

As I prepare, I could use prayers. I had a mini-meltdown last night, which really wasn't too bad (it lasted about 20 minutes), but I need to remember that God is in control. I don't want to succumb to the anxiety that fills so many of my classmates. God has led me here. He's not about to abandon me. I need to remember that. In the multitude of my anxieties within me, You comforts delight my soul. - Psalm 94:19

When I was studying for the MCAT, one of my dear friends continually reminded me of Ephesians 3:20 Now to Him who is able to do exceedingly abundantly above all that we ask or think, according to the power that works in us. I want to remember this and continue to praise Him and glorify Him.

So yeah, I know I don't often put prayer requests on my blog, actually I don't know if I've ever put a prayer request on my blog...but I wanted to share. Please pray...and if you're inclined, I could always use gift cards to Panera Bread or Starbucks (my favorite study places).

Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God. - Philippians 4:6

Today's a holiday

It's International Juggler's Day!

Do you know someone who can juggle?
Celebrate him or her today.

Something new and different...

So I spent the last hour picking mulberries. It was so much fun. Hmmm...what to do now?...I guess I'll make cobbler.

Experiencing the God who comforts.

Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, and the Father of mercies and God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our tribulations, that we may be able to comfort those who are in any trouble, with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God. - 2 Corinthians 1:3-4

My God comforts. He comforts in all things. He comforts when I've been wronged, but He also comforts when I'm the one who is wrong. I don't deserve comfort, but He is merciful, and so I accept His gift of comfort.

I pray that you would allow God to comfort you in all circumstances. He is willing, but you must accept.

So I'm studying...

...and I have Friends on as background noise.

Ross just started singing Sir Mix-a-Lot...ah...I love Friends.

Today

I prayed for you today...and I know God heard.

This is your brain...

Estimated amount of glucose used by an adult human brain each day, expressed in M&Ms: 250. - Harper's Index

Confession...

I skipped lunch to work-out today, but by 2 PM I was so hungry and shaky that I ate 3 cookies.

HE is risen!

Every Easter, I watch the sun rise. It's a tradition my parents started with my brother and me when we were little. For as long as I can remember, watching the sun rise on Easter has been symbolic for the rising of God's Son.

Yesterday morning, I set my alarm to wake up early, and I went outside for a walk. Unfortunately, it was too cloudy for me to actually watch the sun rise, but I can rest in knowing that HE is risen...HE is risen, indeed.

**On a side note...due to getting up early, I ended up falling asleep while watching a movie with a group of friends later yesterday afternoon...how embarrassing, but HE is still risen.

You know you're tired when...

you fall asleep on the concrete floor of the room you've been studying in (with the lights on) and don't wake up until morning.

The Dangers of Overcontrol

-- from Ephesians 4 Ministries

For rebellion is like the sin of divination, and arrogance like the evil of idolatry. Because you have rejected the word of the Lord, He has rejected you as king. - 1 Samuel 15:23

A friend of mine who is a jet pilot once told me that whenever a jet goes out of control and begins to spin, the only thing to do is totally take your hands off the controls and the plane will right itself. This goes against our natural inclination to control and manipulate in order to bring things back under control. It is scary to be out of control. Or is it?

Saul was a man out of control. He was losing control of his kingdom to David. He was losing the favor of God and the people. It began as compromises. Eventually he was given a final test to obey the voice of God fully. He was instructed to kill the Amalekites completely; but he failed to follow through. The prophet Samuel delivered a hard word to King Saul, "Because you have rejected the word of the Lord, He has rejected you as king" (see 1 Sam. 15:26). Saul obeyed partially, but not fully. It was partial obedience that led to his removal as king of Israel and his calling from God. But why did Saul do such a thing? "I was afraid of the people and so I gave in to them" (1 Sam. 15:24b). Saul's fear and insecurity made him more afraid of the people and what they thought than of God. At the core of Saul's disobedience was fear of losing control. That fear of losing control led to partial obedience and the loss of his reign as king.

How many of us are in danger of losing God's blessing due to partial obedience? How many of us have such a need to control people and circumstances that we fail to fully walk in obedience to God's voice in our lives? Saul provides a great lesson for us as workplace believers. The need to overcontrol things around us can prevent us from receiving all that God has for us. Today, take an inventory of your control quotient.

Ask God if you are being fully obedient to what He has called you to do this day, and avoid being put on the shelf for disobedience. "To obey is better than sacrifice, and to heed is better than the fat of rams" (1 Sam. 15:22b).

An opportunity...

"Every day you have the opportunity to love God with all of you." - Gibson

The question is...are you going to take advantage of it?

My morning...

I spent about 5 or 10 minutes this morning trying to teach Miss Kitty to clap. It didn't work...and now she's just annoyed with me.

52 days

In the book of Nehemiah, it took 52 days to rebuild the wall.

What has happened in your life in the last 52 days? Have you built a wall? Have you built a bridge? Have you knocked over a wall that should have never been built in the first place? Have you restored a friendship? Have you drawn closer to God? Have you allowed Him to work in your life instead of trying to do it yourself?

52 days...God can do so much in such a short time.

So the wall was finished on the twenty-fifth day of Elul, in fifty-two days. And it happened, when all our enemies heard of it, and all the nations around us saw these things , that they were very disheartened in their own eyes; for they perceived that this work was done by our God. - Nehemiah 6:15-16

Sometimes Veggie Tales says it best.

His Cheeseburger

He said to her "I'd like a cheeseburger."
"And I might like a milkshake as well."
She said to him "I can't get you either"
He said "Isn't this burger bell?"
She said "Yes it is but we're closed now."
"But we open tomorrow at ten."
He said "I am extremely hungry!"
"But I guess I can wait until then!"

Cuz you're his cheeseburger
His yummy cheeseburger
He'll wait for you. Ya!
He'll wait for you.
Oh, you are his cheeseburger
His tasty cheeseburger
He'll wait for you
Oh, he will wait for you.

He stayed at the drive-thru till sunrise
He may have dozed off once or twice
When he spotted a billboard for Denny's
Bacon and eggs for half price!
How could he resist such an offer?
He really needed something to munch
Cheeseburger, please do not get angry
He'll eat and be back here for lunch!

Cuz you're his cheeseburger
His precious cheeseburger
Be back for you.
He'll be back for you.
Won't be so long, cheeseburger
Oh, lovely cheeseburger
Be back for you
Oh, he'll be back for you.

Cuz he loves you cheeseburger with all his heart
And there's nothin' gonna tear you two apart
And if the world suddenly ran out of cheese,
He would get down on his hands and knees
To see if someone accidently dropped some cheese in the dirt
And he would wash it off for you
Wipe it off for you
Clean that dirty cheese off just for you!

You are his cheese ... burrrr ... grrrrr!

It's a 2 (or 3) cups of coffee kind of day.

I'm on my second cup of coffee. My coffee maker brews directly into to-go cups, so usually I only make one cup of coffee (or hot tea) each morning. I brew it and either enjoy it while I finish getting ready or take it with me up to school. Well, today is already a two cup day. When I was making coffee, I actually just went ahead and brewed into two to-go cups. I finished one at home and am now on my second.

I'm tired, but it's not a bitter tired. It's a peaceful tired. I couldn't go to sleep last night, and I actually woke up several times during the night, which is completely abnormal for me. But I wasn't awake because I was anxiously worrying about something...I had praises on my lips. Every time I woke up...I woke up singing.

Forever God is faithful.
Forever God is strong.
Forever God is with us.
Forever.

O Lord, You are my God.
I will exalt You,
I will praise Your name,
For You have done wonderful things;
Your counsels of old are faithfulness and truth.
- Isaiah 25:1

Update

So evidently the expiration date on ranch dressing is just a suggestion...I'm fine. Yay!

I'm a little scared...

I rarely eat ranch dressing. I prefer to make my own salad dressing, but at the moment, I'm out of a few ingredients, so when I made my dinner tonight I decided to go for the ranch. I pulled the ranch out of the fridge...oh good, just enough. I proceeded to make my salad and douse it with dressing. My salad tasted fine, but as I was putting the bottle of ranch in the trash (after I finished eating) I realized that...ummm...yeah, it expired in February 2006. I'm not exactly sure what eating salad dressing that expired a year ago will do to me. I feel fine...so far.

;o)

I went to Target last night. While I was there I bought water guns. I'm not really sure why, but be prepared...you might just get wet.

Small group evaluation day...

In the past, I've always dreaded evaluation day. It's not that I've received low marks...the comments are usually something like knowledgeable, dependable, hard-worker. These are all good traits to have...but I've always left feeling...well, I can't exactly put it into words.

I've changed a lot during medical school. No...not really my personality. I still love to have fun and be playful. I love cheesy jokes. I love to give people a hard time...all in fun, of course. But the way I view myself has changed. I've become less self conscious and more self-assured. I've learned to accept my imperfections. I've learned to rely ever more on God and less and less on me. I've learned to accept compliments. I've learned to receive service from others.

And then today came...and I was blown away by what my small group facilitators had to say. They still said that I was knowledgeable and dependable and hard-working, but they also told me about the leader I had become...that the group looked to me for guidance, encouragement, and criticism...that I understood that professionalism and fun can co-exist...and that they looked forward to working with my in the next couple of years.

They, of course, said a lot more...but I can't tell you everything. I'm smiling today. I'm smiling because God is changing me and growing me into the person I've longed to be. My prayer is that when people look to me that they won't actually see me...they will see Him, but He is using me, and I know that He will continue.

...He who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Jesus Christ. - Philippians 1:6

A new title

One of the lecturers today gave everyone in my class a new title.

We are...(drum roll, please)...tadpole doctors.

Confession

I try to put God in a box, but He never fits. He always breaks free and amazes me with how far He'll go to make His glory known.

Now to Him who is able to do exceedingly abundantly above all that we ask or think, according to the power that works in us. -- Ephesians 3:20

It's that time again.

Did you know that just 3 teaspoons of blood can save a baby's life?

Imagine what a pint can do.

Commit for life. Give blood.

Me??? Really???

"Me, a princess?"
"You are the legal heir."
"I never lead anyone."
"We will help you to be a princess, to rule. If you refuse to accept the throne then the kingdom will cease to exist as we know it."
-- The Princess Diaries

Leading...wow...that's such a scary thought. For much of my life, I stayed away from positions were I was required to lead. I've held many positions in clubs and organizations, but I've never been the president. I'm usually the behind the scenes worker who prefers that no one really notices what I've done.

Some of the scariest times I can remember have been when I've led...whether it's leading someone to Christ or leading a Bible study. It scares me, but at the same time, I can look back and see that those were the times when I leaned even more on God. Yes, I was the "leader," but I allowed Him to lead me.

As Christians, as children of God, as partakers in the inheritance of the saints (Colossians 1:12), we are called to lead. I am not so prideful as to believe that if I choose not to lead that God's kingdom will cease to exist. He is the same yesterday, today, and forever. He always has been, and He always will be. However, as His children, we have been granted the privilege to lead. He has showered upon us the privilege of showing Him to others. So let's embrace it. Wrap your arms around the command we've been given:

Go therefore and make disciples of all the nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father, and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit - Matthew 28:19.

Obeying this will look different for each of us. Some of may start discipling...some may begin leading a bible study...some may just strike up a conversation with a co-worker or classmate about Christ...whatever you do, do it for the glory of the Lord and allow Him to lead you as you lead others.

...and other randomness

Several people have asked me why I left home teams so early last night. I'll admit that I just kind of snuck out. The truth is that I was in so much pain that I thought I was going to burst into tears, which is exactly what I would have done if anyone had asked me, "How are you?" Many of you know that I've injured my hip. I'm under a physician's care and everything. (Oh...and for any who are wondering, I talked to my ortho again and he was able to set me up with physical therapy for free through his free clinic...yay! What a blessing!) Anyway, yesterday, my hip popped while I was doing something rather benign...I don't remember what it was. From there my normally dull hip pain turned into excruciatingly sharp hip pain. Being stubborn and all, I still had my mind set on going to home teams...we're studying the names of God!!! Next time I need to remember that really bad hip pain = staying home.

On another note...I feel pretty today. Also, I'm using my Zoloft pen...it just makes me happy.

A good-luck wish!

The soccer team I play on is in a tournament this weekend. Actually, we are first seeded in the tournament. I am so proud of everyone on my team. Good luck!

:o)

Something fun happened today. It made me smile.

I need help.

No...not that kind. I love cheesy jokes but am running out of material.

I have the classic, "What do you call cheese that isn't yours?" "Nach-yo cheese!"
Then there's "Why do seagulls live by the sea?" "If they lived by the bay, they'd be bagels."

And also, "Why was the little boy dressed in wrapping paper?" "Because his mother told him to live in the present."

Can anyone help? Will you lend me your cheesy joke?

Faithful

I miss running. At first I thought I missed it just because of the beautiful weather we've been having the past couple of weeks or maybe even because it's something that I've been told not to do (yes, I am a bit stubborn), but now I've realized that neither of those are the case. I miss running because I miss the time with God. Running for me was a time of worship. I'd lace up my shoes, hook up my iPOD, and set out. As I ran, I'd sing...I'd pray...sometimes I'd turn the music off and just listen. Some runs would end with tears streaming down my face. Some runs would end with a smile. All of my runs ended with me knowing that God had met me and that I am truly loved.

I have noticed some changes since I haven't been able to run. My quiet times are longer, and I have a deeper longing to just kneel at His feet. I can no longer run to meet God, but God is still faithful to meet with me.

Church camp memory...

Grin again gang get gung ho about Jesus
Smile sweetly Suzie and you'll send Satan sadly away...ay...ay...ay
Buck up brother Bill because a bunch of bitter boys became a bunch of better boys behind a big, big smile.
Grin again gang get gung ho about Jesus

His mercies are new every morning.

The beautiful weather we've been having makes me want to go outside and bask in the sunshine as it kisses my face and I breathe in the fresh scent of the newness of the day.

Through the Lord's mercies we are not consumed,
Because His compassions fail not.
They are new every morning;
Great is Your faithfulness.
"The Lord is my portion," says my soul,
"Therefore I hope in Him!"
-- Lamentations 3:22-24

An opportunity to learn

Never regard study as a duty, but as the enviable opportunity to learn. - Albert Einstein

Fighting for joy

At the end of my last post, I wrote that I find my joy in Christ. This is true...now. For so many years, it wasn't. I believed in Christ and His saving grace, but I didn't find my joy there. I had to learn to fight for joy. There's definitely a reason God didn't send me to medical school until I was 26.

Fight the good fight of the faith. Take hold of the eternal life. - 1 Timothy 6:12

So, how do we know that fighting for joy is a good fight? John Piper outlines 5 parameters for us.

1. It is a good fight because the enemy of our joy is evil. The enemy is unbelief, and the satanic forces behind it, and the sins that come from it.

2. It is a good fight because we are not left to our own strength in the fight. When a child of God fights for joy in God, God himself is the one behind that struggle, giving the will and the power to defeat the enemy of joy. We are not left to ourselves to sustain the joy of faith. God fights for us and in us.

3. It is a good fight because it is not a struggle to carry a burden, but a struggle to let a burden be carried for us. The fight for joy is a struggle to trust God with the burdens of life. It's a fight for hope and peace and joy, which are all threatened by unbelief and doubt about God's promises.

4. The fight of faith is good because it does not involve self-exaltations but self-humbling. It's a way of saying that we are weak and desperately need the mercy of God. We do not like to say, "Apart from Christ I can do nothing - I cannot even rejoice," (John 15:5). But the very essence of faith is the admission of our sinful helplessness in the quest for eternal joy, and looking away from ourselves to God through Christ for the help and the joy that is in Him alone.

5. The fight for joy is good because by it God is greatly glorified. Fighting against all alien joy shows that we know the infinite worth of God.

My prayer is that you would find your joy in Him and Him alone and that you would fight for joy with every fiber of your being. Fight the good fight.

Little smiles :)

Things that make me happy...
1. fun voicemails from friends
2. a new rear bumper for my car
3. long bubble baths
4. dancing
5. melt away mints
6. dark chocolate
7. learning new facts/activities/anything
8. multicolored pens
9. crawling into bed knowing that I have at least 8 hours to sleep
10. reading for pleasure (I like the classics!)

The place I find my joy...
CHRIST
"These things I have spoken to you, that My joy may remain in you, and that your joy may be full. -- John 15:11

Does anything need rewiring?

I live in an apartment, but I really enjoy doing home maintenance type things. I like using sanders and drills and tools of the like. I don't claim to be a professional...I don't even claim to be good, but I enjoy it. Anyway, Saturday was an exciting day for me. I got to do something that I love, but rarely get to do. I got to strip wire! I rewired a sound system, and when I was finished everything worked and nothing blew up. This wasn't the first time I've stripped wire or played with electricity, so I wasn't a complete novice, but my only previous experience was helping to install a garage door opener (which worked). So if you need anything rewired or even wired for the first time...I'm your girl.

And they'll know we are Christians by our love.

I'm still struggling with the lesson Chad presented yesterday in class. I must admit that I have struggled so much that tears have fallen. I know several people who read my blog were there last night as well. 1 John is difficult (especially 1 John 4:7-5:5). Love...it's such a common word and yet often a too uncommon action.

As I examine my own life in regards to love, I am continuously reminded of the words of Paul:

For what I am doing, I do not understand. For what I will do, that I do not practice; but what I hate, that I do. -- Romans 7:15

No, I am not going to the party.

Evidently, there's a big bash, and everyone's invited. Well, that is...all of Bonnie's friends. The funny thing is that I don't even know Bonnie...not that I actually received an invitation in the mail. However, the invitations went out with the incorrect RSVP phone number. There will be at least 10 people at Bonnie's party. I don't know how many she invited. Her friends seem nice. As they've called me, they've all been very polite and even asked me if I'd like to go to the party. I already have plans so I had to decline, but it was very nice of them to want to include me.

A sign that I need to go to bed...

I can no longer make out my notes as I read them...and they're typed.

I like chocolate!

Tagged

So Erin tagged me several days ago, and here's my list.

6 Weird Things About Me

1. I like to refinish furniture. If I had more time, I'd probably have an entire place filled with refinished furniture. It's so satisfying to see a piece finished knowing that I did the stripping and sanding and repainting/varnishing. My buffet was my granny and papa's. My mom and I refinished it...there's something about giving an old piece of furniture new life. When I received the piece, it was stained and worn from decades and decades of use. It looks very different now. Then there's my dining room table and chairs. I received them for free in college, and then I abused them when I moved into an apartment that didn't have room for them. After two years in storage where they received some pretty major water damage, I revived them. What was once a white and birch colored table and chairs is now a rich walnut and black color.

2. I like to sit on the floor. I have furniture. I have a fabulous couch that sleeps like a dream. I have an over sized chair, and I have a rocking chair in my living room...but much of the time, I choose to sit on the floor. In fact, I'm sitting on the floor right now leaning against the chair.

3. I just started drinking coffee last summer.

4. I like meeting new people. This is new for me. And yes, I still very much enjoy my comfortable friends, but there's something about meeting someone new...learning that she loves kids and wants to teach pre-K or that he's a huge KU fan. I love seeing people in a new way and getting to know them...even if it's just for a moment.

5. I don't like wearing shoes. I prefer to go barefoot. I definitely wear shoes...in the hospital...in the mall...at the grocery store...anytime they are required, but I prefer to be without. The first thing I do when I get home or go over to a friend's house is take off my shoes.

6. I spell my name all the time. A friend pointed this out to me one night when we met for dinner. The hostess asked us for a name...we looked at each other and I said, "Jeanine...J-E-A-N-I-N-E." It really didn't matter if the hostess spelled my name correctly, but I've gotten so used to people asking me how to spell it that it's become automatic. I now make a conscious effort not to spell my name unless asked.

There you have it! Enjoy!

Perfection

Wait for it...wait for it...I am not perfect. There I said it.

Last night I made the comment that I was perfect, and the scripture verses started flying. Now, it was all in good fun...at least I'm hoping that it was. I know I'm not perfect. I am not always a good steward of what God has blessed me with. I don't always put God first...I like to think that I do, but I don't. I am inherently selfish...and so many others.

But...and this is an incredible but...I am forgiven. I have been saved by grace, and that grace wasn't just for a moment...God's grace is ongoing. His grace...His love is lavished down on me more and more each day.

I am dysfunctional, scarred, and buried, but as a Christian, I am also recovering, healed, and raised up. I am not perfect...only Christ is perfect, but I am striving for perfection...I am striving to be more like Christ.

Not that I have already attained, or am already perfected; but I press on, that I may lay hold of that for which Christ Jesus has also laid hold of me. - Philippians 3:12

Studying

I'm taking a break from my normal studying routine. I'm at Panera studying...well, actually, I guess I'm technically taking a break from that for the moment, too.

It's nice. I needed the change in scenery. I can't study at school...the rooms are too small. Studying at my apartment is okay, except after not seeing people or putting on make-up or fixing my hair or really doing anything except studying for several days, I needed to get out.

If you go to Panera, I suggest the Peanut Butter Banana Crunch bagel with plain cream cheese (I go for low fat). And I'm enjoying British Breakfast tea...I'm not quite sure why it's not English breakfast, but it's good and warm and satisfying...and I'm in front of the fireplace curled up on a comfy brown leather couch. This is great.

Okay...back to studying...the thyroid...the parathyroids...the pituitary...the pancreas...the kidneys...the bones...the hypothalamus...the adrenals.

Boldness before Christ

Luke 5:17-26
17One day as he was teaching, Pharisees and teachers of the law, who had come from every village of Galilee and from Judea and Jerusalem, were sitting there. And the power of the Lord was present for him to heal the sick. 18Some men came carrying a paralytic on a mat and tried to take him into the house to lay him before Jesus. 19When they could not find a way to do this because of the crowd, they went up on the roof and lowered him on his mat through the tiles into the middle of the crowd, right in front of Jesus.
20When Jesus saw their faith, he said, "Friend, your sins are forgiven."
21The Pharisees and the teachers of the law began thinking to themselves, "Who is this fellow who speaks blasphemy? Who can forgive sins but God alone?"
22Jesus knew what they were thinking and asked, "Why are you thinking these things in your hearts? 23Which is easier: to say, 'Your sins are forgiven,' or to say, 'Get up and walk'? 24But that you may know that the Son of Man has authority on earth to forgive sins...." He said to the paralyzed man, "I tell you, get up, take your mat and go home." 25Immediately he stood up in front of them, took what he had been lying on and went home praising God. 26Everyone was amazed and gave praise to God. They were filled with awe and said, "We have seen remarkable things today."

I want friends like those of the paralyzed man. They had faith that Jesus could and would heal him, and they did not stop until they had taken him (the paralyzed man) to Jesus. That's bold faith. More than that, I want faith like that for my friends. Whatever they are going through, I want to take it to the Lord knowing that He will hear my prayers for them and He will answer.

You Said

You said, "Ask and you will receive
whatever you need."
You said, "Pray and I'll hear from heaven,
And I'll heal your land."

You said Your glory will fill the earth
Like water the sea.
You said, "Lift up your eyes;
The harvest is here, the kingdom is near."

You said, "Ask and I'll give the nations to you."
O Lord, that's the cry of my heart.
Distant shores and the islands will see
Your light as it rises on us.

O Lord, I ask for the nations.

O Lord, I ask for the nations.

- Reuben Morgan

February 11th-17th

This week is Random Acts of Kindness Week.

Disappointing

5:15 AM - My alarm goes off. I hop out of bed to go turn it off as I think to myself...silly Jeanine, you forgot to turn your alarm off on a Saturday morning, and then I climb back in bed.

5:20 AM - I sit straight up in bed as I realize it's not Saturday. It's Monday morning, and I have an exam at 8.

Happy Monday, everyone!

From the pen of C.S. Lewis

To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything, and your heart will certainly be wrung and possibly broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact, you must give your heart to no one, not even to an animal. Wrap it careful round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements; lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket - safe, dark, motionless, airless - it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable...The only place outside of Heaven where you can be perfectly safe from all the dangers of love is Hell. - The Four Loves

Iodine requirements

Often when I'm studying, I come across things that kind of amaze me. Did you know that you only need 1 teaspoon of iodine in your lifetime? Really...that's it. The problem is that your body can't really store it so you have to have a little bit every day. I'm still amazed...iodine deficiency is the single most common cause of preventable mental retardation and brain damage and all we need is less than a teaspoon...

Have a fantastic day!